Anonymous asked: P1- hey I really need advice on my realationship and u r very wise. Me n my ex bf broke up abt two days ago after 7 months of dating. I love him so much but o broke up wit him because he told me he didn't know where the relationship was going and that he was unsure of his feelings. His family told him that by six months he should know if he would like to marry me or not.. which I think its true. I just don't know what to do anymore. I miss him n he is my bestfriend. When we broke up he only said
(continued) “okay” … I feel like maybe he doesn’t want me in his life. We havent talked and of I hadn’t texted him today maybe we wouldn’t have talked again. I just want him in my life. He is 26 and I am 21. All his relationships have failed because he is unsure of his feelings. Wat should I do?
I don’t know if I agree with the whole “6 month marriage rule” but after seven months you should definitely know whether you want to spend more time with that person or not. I think that you were right to break up with him. You shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know whether they want to be with you. I mean if someone really loves you and wants to be with you, they make sure you cant get away, and make sure that you know how much they love you. I think it’s okay to want him in your life, you can be friends if you think you can handle that, but as for being with him, I don’t think it’ll work out. I mean if at 26 years old you still don’t know how to interpret your own feelings then he’s obviously not very mature, or you’re not the one for him. The fact that you broke up with him and he didn’t even try to fight it should be proof enough. If you REALLY want to be with him and you really think you can make it work then try meeting up in person and talking to him. Ask him questions that make him think like “why don’t you know?” “what’s holding you back?” etc.
Hope this helps and good luck x
Anonymous asked: so i really need your advice.. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months, he's met my parents and they love my boyfriend.. i always wondered why we never go to his house, all him and his other girlfriends went there. I've come to find out that his parents don't agree with my age.. he said we could go there but if his parents ever said anything to me being nasty he'd freak out... like id rather go there & them not like me, then never give it a try at all.. yah know? please help!
Well age difference is a pretty silly thing to not like someone over. I mean if your parents can deal with it, why cant his? Boy’s parents are supposed to be easy! haha. Anyway I think you should talk to him and say that you really want to meet them and go to his house because you want to see that side of him. Just be very gentle around the subject. Maybe you could suggest that you meet at his house and just say hello to his family and then you two can leave and go off to a movie together or something. Just introduce it slowly. I mean you don’t have to go there and have a 3 course meal with them the first time you meet y’know? Baby steps!
Good luck :)
Anonymous asked: Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month and a half now and I couldn't be happier with him. The only problem is, he's black and my step-dad is super racist. I'm banned from dating black guys until im 18. I don't like having to date him in secret because it's just so stressful but he says he's willing to go with it because he really likes me. Do you have any advice on either how to tell/talk to my step-dad about this or advice in how to make our 'secret realtionship' easier?
The fact that your step-dad is racist is appalling - especially in this day and age. I mean c’mon?! I can’t even comprehend such stupidity from a grown human being. I’m glad you are not racist yourself and that he hasn’t passed on his ignorance to you. As for what to do, I think both you and your mother need to speak to him together to form some sort of intervention. If not for the sake of your boyfriend, but for the sake of some friend you may have one day who has a different colour skin. I mean, how can you discriminate based on the colour of a person’s skin!? Ugh. I can’t even. It’s people like him that make the progress society has made go backwards.
Anyway, if you can, sit down with him and your mum and have a chat about it. Ask him really strong questions like “how can you not like someone just because they turned out to be born with darker skin than you? How does that mean you know who they are?” and also things like, “what if I find the most amazing guy in the world who is going to respect me and do so much for me and it turns out that he has dark skin? Am I supposed to ditch him for some loser because you can’t handle it? Cause if you think that’s going to happen then it’s not. You need to understand that you judge a person on their character and their actions and their personality, not on the colour of their skin. If I’m younger than you and I can understand that, what’s your excuse?”
Just questions to really make him think about what he is doing. I would try and cover the whole racism issue before you decide to tell him about your boyfriend. You have to kind of ease it in with closed-minded people like that. Or if you wanted to, you could just bring your boyfriend over and deal with it boldly like that, ha :|
As for making your secret relationship easier, try and make out to your step-dad (assuming your mum knows about this by the way) that you’ve made a new friend, you don’t have to say boyfriend (since you’re “banned” from dating black guys.. ugh I cant) and just try and spend time with him away from home. Go to the movies, or to the shopping center or to your local hang out area, or wherever and try to skype as much as possible too when you can’t see each other. Secret relationships can be fun but they can get tiring too. It’s better if it’s out in the open. You don’t want to make your boyfriend feel like he has something to be ashamed of because he has different coloured skin to you.
Good luck with it all and sorry if I came off harsh but seriously, I just don’t understand how people can still believe in racism in the kind of society we live in these days. Hope it all works out xx
she-loves-him008 asked: My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 9 months, we don't usually argue . But I've had a really bad past with relationships from getting cheated on to abusive things in the relationship. Everybody tells me my boyfriend now is good. And he's not gonna hurt me like the the rest have but I guess it's so hard for me to trust that something like that isn't gonna happen again. I guess I'm saying I don't know how to get over what had happened. Any advice?
Your past is not something you just “get over”. It takes a lot of time and patience. And probably also patience and love from someone else. That being said though, you cant punish your boyfriend for what someone else did to you. He’s not another boy, he’s your boyfriend and he has given you no reason not to trust him, so why shouldn’t you? Just because some other people are shitty? If your boyfriend is willing to be with you and willing to love you, then you have to do the same. Yeah it might end up in you being hurt, but if you don’t let yourself fall for him completely, it’s not fair to him. By him being there for you and loving you and caring for you like a boyfriend should every day, you will slowly build up your trust. I’m not saying it will happen overnight, but it will happen and you should keep your heart open and break down those walls. It’s only fair, especially if he’s letting you in.
Anonymous asked: My girlfriend and I will be dating a year Friday and madly in love and crazy over each other but the past week just started happening I noticed it we're running out of things to say any advice on how to fix this before it gets to bad and unfixable. A lot of people say its cause we talk basically 24/7 and we've never really ever stoped talking unless it's to sleep or shower. Could this be why? And it's long distance so we can't go out and do stuff. (I'm sorry if this doesn't make any since)
If it’s only been a week then I would stop jumping to conclusions if I were you. I mean maybe she’s having a rough week and doesn’t really want to talk about it, or maybe she’s waiting to see if you make the effort or something. You should be asking her what’s going on, not me! It may be because you talk all the time, but it shouldn’t really be about that. You don’t have to be talking to each other CONSTANTLY to be in a real relationship y’know? It’s okay if you only text each other once or twice during the day, or only speak to each other on the phone a few nights a week. Sometimes you need a break. Although I know some people who speak all day every day, see each other nearly every day and don’t go anywhere without each other and they’re doing fine. It just depends I guess. If you’re talking and you feel as though you don’t know what to say, tell your girlfriend you’re going to read a book or watch some TV and you will speak to her later on. Good luck x
Anonymous asked: Okay so my boyfrnd and i have been together for 6 months but we've been best friends for 3 years. He lives 2 hours away from me. This whole summer i only saw him once! Its killing us more and more everyday. Its hard for him to come over my house because my whole family would be here and id wanna be alone with him even if my family like him. i graduate this year and hes in university so its gonna be harder to see him. Do you have any suggestions of how i could see him regularly even during skool?
Well if you don’t get to see him often and he’s allowed to come over to your house, even if you’re not going to be alone with him you should take what you can get. Being able to see him is better than not seeing him. I don’t know if either of you drive, but if you do that’s how you see each other. Otherwise there’s public transport, taxis, etc. During school it’s always harder to see each other, so you just have to set aside at least one day a week to just spend with each other. More is better, but like I said, you just take what you can get. A little bit is better than none.
Good luck :)
Anonymous asked: ok so ive been with this guy for way over a year now and im happily in love with him. but there is a problem. his dad is dating my mom. we got alot of shit for it when we first started dating and we just kind of ignored it. but im afriad that if our parents get to serious then we wont be able to get married or have kids or any of the plans that we have. im so sorry if this is weird. help please?
Okay well, I’m just gonna be honest here and say I’ve never heard of something like this so I don’t really know what…or how to help you but please don’t be sorry for pointless things! You can’t help who you fall in love with :)
Anyways, as for your problem, I don’t think that your parents getting serious should affect you and your boyfriend’s relationship. I mean, if they get married, technically you will be STEP brother and sister, but I wouldn’t really say there’s something wrong with that since you’re not blood related or anything weird like that. And also you were together before your parents decided to get married (if they do) so it’s not like you started dating when you were already brother and sister……. I don’t know I guess it’d probably be weird to some people but I don’t see anything wrong with it.. Just take each day as it comes and see how it goes. I think it’s probably worth talking to both of your parents about your concerns as well if you can and just see how they feel about it.
Good luck, lovely :) xx
ldawwwg asked: Hello, First off I really love your Blog and follow it since probably 6 months. So, but now I really need some advice. I am from Germany and went last year for one year to America. I met there the absolute best boy in the world and we've been dating now since probably 11 months. But unfortunately I had to go back to Germany, and here I am now. My boyfriend came to Germany and visit me for 3 weeks, it was amazing. But now he is back in the States and I am here in Germany.
(continued..) We will try to have a long distance relationship but it is not easy. He is starting his College in one week and I am concerned to not know whats going on there. But anyway, My real problem is that I am thinking to go back to America for studying. But I am not sure if I should do it. I am afraid but I really want to be with him. I would be happy with any advice.
Thank-you, glad you like it. :)
Well first of all, it’s great that you’re both willing to try out the long distance option cause it’s definitely not easy. As for thinking about going to America… you have to think about yourself /your future for this one. Is going to America to study/go to college, really the best decision for you? or for your future? Or would you be better off staying in Germany? It’s completely up to you what you want to do, but it’s a really huge decision so make sure you think about it. Have some talks with your boyfriend about it as well. Does he want you to come? What does he think you should do? Why should you do it that way etc.. Also speak to your family, or maybe someone else who has gone to study in America that you know from Germany. Just think about how much it would suck if you went all the way to America just because of your boyfriend and then it doesn’t end up working out. I mean if there are going to be better opportunities for you in America then that’s great, but don’t only go to America because your boyfriend is there. I know that it’s hard to factor in other things when you really just want to be with your boyfriend but you need to think long-term with something as big as this.
Best of luck and I hope this helped you :) xxx
Anonymous asked: i need your help.. i like this guy and he likes me. i really want to go out with him and i asked him do you think we will ever go out? and he said "dont know" he calls me babe and says he loves me. i dont want to ask him out because i feel its a guys job to do it. what should i do?
Well first of all, girls need to get out of the mindset that it’s a boys job to do the asking out. That is ridiculous! If you don’t take the initiative with guys sometimes, you’re never gonna get anywhere with them. Half of the time they’re just as scared as you are.
Anyway, if you want to go out with him then ask him when he’s free to catch up. And then after you meet up or while you’re together you could say “I’m having a really good time, we should do this more often :)” and just see what his reaction is. If it’s a good reaction then maybe after you’ve seen each other a few more times you could bring up being in a relationship again. Just take it as it comes. And don’t leave everything up to him!
Good luck xx
A few days ago, me and my boyfriend broke up. But then he came to my house to talk and we were able to fix things. The thing is.. he smokes a lot, and gets jealous so easily. We tend to fight a lot over me talking to other guys. everyone tells me i deserve better, but i really think i love him. what should i do?
Submitted by Haley.
Well first off, it’s good that you were able to sort things out. Secondly, for one second, don’t worry about everyone else. What do you think? Do you think that you deserve better? And forget about love for a moment and ask yourself if this is this the kind of relationship you imagined yourself being in before it happened? Is this the kind of relationship you want to continue? Do you deserve better?
You may you love someone, but sometimes, no matter how much you love them you have to let them go. You may decide that the relationship isn’t what you want and that, for yourself, it’s better to break up with him. It doesn’t mean you stop loving him, it just means that he’s not right for you. People really get that confused sometimes.
As for the whole jealousy and fighting issues, you really need to work on those before you can progress in the relationship or later on you’re just going to end up breaking up again for the same reasons. Sit your boyfriend down and talk to him. Ask him why he is jealous, ask him what he’s jealous about. Ask him if he’s upset because of the way you’re speaking to other guys, or if it’s just cause they are guys. Maybe he thinks that you’re being a little bit flirty when you speak to other guys and you don’t realise how he sees it. Tell him that just because you have guy friends, it doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with them and leave him. Tell him that he’s allowed to have other girl friends and as long as you know about them, you don’t mind him speaking to them as friends, but he can’t just expect you to stop talking to every single guy because of him. If he’s that insecure ask him what you can do to show him that he’s the only guy you love. Maybe it’s only certain guys you are speaking to that he is uncomfortable with… like an ex for example? If it’s someone in particular, find out why and what you can do to help his feelings. It may mean sacrificing a friend but if you love him, sometimes that’s what you have to do.
Good luck xx
Ps. as for the smoking thing, if you don’t like it - tell him that you would prefer it if he didn’t do it when he was with you or before he sees you because you dislike the smell or whatever it is that bothers you..
atimelordslove asked: Please answer quickly if you can.. I really need your help. My boyfriend says he doesn't see me as a girlfriend when we hang out. He said it feels like we aren't even dating and that we are just friends.... I don't know what to do! Can I fix this? How? Help me please
Uhm… I can’t really help you with this directly because I don’t know why your boyfriend feels that way. You need to sit down with him and ask him why he feels like you are just a friend. Ask him if it’s something you are doing/not doing or if it’s just the way he feels. Ask him if there’s anything you can do to make him see you as a girlfriend. If he just sees you like a friend, maybe it’s because he doesn’t have those kind of romantic feelings for you. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together but maybe there hasn’t been a chance for them to develop yet. Or maybe he’s just saying that because he’s not sure if he wants a girlfriend anymore. I’m not sure, love. You need to ask him.
Sorry I haven’t been much help but good luck xx
Anonymous asked: Firstly, I just wanted to say, that I'm in love with your blog. You give amazing advice and I appreciate what you do! But anyways, what i wanted to ask was, I've been dating a guy for almost 8 months now and he's really insecure about himself. What are some cute ways or things that I could try and tell him so that he would believe me when I give him compliments.
Aw thank-you love :)
I answered something like this a while ago and I’ll link you to it at the end but when he says that he doesn’t like how he looks or that he doesn’t like something about himself don’t call him “dumb” or don’t say “don’t be stupid” because he doesn’t see himself like you see him. I’m sure there’s things about yourself that you may be insecure about and you wouldn’t like it if someone called you dumb for thinking that way. It’s really important not to be negative about it and try to inject positivity instead. If he doesn’t like something about his body why don’t you suggest starting gym together? If he doesn’t like something about his face maybe you could suggest a different haircut, just something that will boost his confidence. You could also just at random times say, “you look really good today” or something along those lines. It boosts confidence :) Anyway, incase I said anything different last time I answered something similar, I’m just going to link you to it here :)
All the best xxx
Anonymous asked: There's this guy I just met, and I instantly started to like him. We're friends with the same group of people, and I'm afraid that if we start dating it'll be awkward, and it'll cause drama between our friends. Should I just focus on becoming good friends with him and get over him, or should I keep liking him and start dating?
It’s up to you what you want to do really. I mean if you really like the guy then you shouldn’t try to hide your feelings for the sake of possibly causing drama between friends. Even if you get together and break-up, it might be a mutual break up or a peaceful one which wont affect the friendship group at all. You never know. But if you keep yourself away from him because of that and it turns out that you could have a really great relationship then that would suck! If you like him you should just go for it :)
Anonymous asked: I've been talking to this guy I've met 6 years ago. He lives 4 hours away because I had moved from him. I just recently saw him and everything went perfect and we started dating, however, over text he can barely keep a conversation. He just gets so boring. He also tells me he loves me, but I don't understand how. What do I do?
Well don’t worry too much about not being able to keep up a conversation over text. It isn’t really for that. If he can’t keep a conversation over something like Skype or the phone, or Facebook chat or whatever you use to talk to each other when you’re away from each other, then that’d be a bit of an issue. I really only see texting as a way to tell the other person quickly what’s happened in your day or something of the sort. You can’t really expect to have a proper and meaningful conversation over text. Well you said that you’ve known each other for a long time so it’s possible that he loved you the whole time. He may not technically ‘love’ the person you are now because he hasn’t gotten to know you again yet, but that’s probably why he says it. Also, some people feel like its mandatory to say “I love you” once you make a relationship official. It isn’t. Just because he says it, doesn’t mean you have to. Wait until you are ready :)
Best of luck xx
Anonymous asked: Um, hi. I just want to ask if you can give me an advice to this problem of mine. Um well, I'm a 15 year old highschool and I have a boyfriend who is 16 year old. I really like him, he was the first one to be close to me through text and so I had a crush for him since September 2011. We started dating on May 2012. But before May, I had a friend which I met only in March but I really don't know why there was a sudden change in me. My feelings changed. I don't know if it's cheating or not.
I’m not sure if I’m missing a part to this message or not but from what I can gather, if you have feelings for someone else you should end things with your boyfriend. It technically isn’t cheating but it’s not fair on your boyfriend. I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it if he had feelings for someone else and was just stringing you along. Be honest with him.