Anonymous asked: 1/2* Right. im 18 and my boyfriend Dan is 20. he has a 3 bedroomed house and a stable job as a chef. In February earlier this year, he proposed to me (i said yes) but we've agreed to get married after im 21. In April this year, he said he wanted us to try for a baby. Ive always said that im not going to have one until im over 20 with a proper job, so i told him that it was something huge and i would have to think about it. i told him no but he started aurguing with me saying that he had a 3
(Continued….) bedroomed house and a good job with good money. He also said that he would take time off work to look after the baby whilst i found a good job. i kind of agree with some off what he is saying, but i still dont no weather i am ready to have a baby yet. This whole thing is causing more arguments between us and im afraid that it will drive us apart. Dans dad is moving to Australia in 5 months and that’s the only thing he wants to tell him before he goes: hes expecting a baby. what should i do? x
NEVER let anyone force you into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with. And your fiancee telling you that you have to have a child is one of them. Do you understand how huge that is? You’re 18 years old! You have your whole life ahead of you to have a baby. Do you want to be tied down with that kind of commitment at 18? If your fiancee loves you as much as he claims to, then why cant he wait until you are ready to have a baby? Why would he want to force something like that on you? Just because he has a stable job and is in a career that he loves, what gives him the right to tell you what to do? What, cause he has a career, you don’t need one? All you’re supposed to do is pop out kids when he tells you to? That is ridiculous.
I’m sorry if this offends you or if I’m being rude but I really, really disagree with your boyfriend’s mentality. Why should he get to take time off with the baby while you look for a job? I’m sure that after having a baby, your priority would not be to get a job, especially since he has such a good one. I mean it’s fantastic that he can support himself and you and has his own house and can afford that kind of lifestyle at the age of 20 but if you are not ready then do not do it.
You will obviously not end up regretting having a child, but it’s possible that you will regret having one so young. I assume you live in America or something of the sort where the legal age to drink and go to clubs etc is 21. Do you want to have a baby right now? Or do you want to enjoy your life, being young and doing whatever the hell you want without having to worry about a baby? Honestly, I know it sounds like I’m against this, probably because I am, and maybe someone else will have a different perspective but, I just don’t see why he is forcing you and arguing with you about something that ultimately you have the decision to make.
All I will say now is this. If you are not ready, do not let him force you into it. If he wont stop trying to force you then you need to give him an ultimatum and say “I want to be married before I have a child and I want to be ready. If you can’t be supportive of that and of me, then maybe you don’t deserve to be with me.”
I’m sure Dan’s dad would prefer it if his son didn’t say “hey dad, I know you’re leaving but guess what - you’re gonna have to come all the way back here pretty much as soon as you step foot in Australia because we’re having a baby!” You know? Do you see where I’m coming from? I’m sure that Dan’s dad would also appreciate his son enjoying his time with you and his life being young rather than being tied down with a baby. Also, a baby will tie you to Dan’s life, pretty much forever. I know you said yes when he proposed but you have to think about if you’re ready for that kind of commitment too. A baby is very, very, very expensive. Even if Dan makes good money, it usually takes combined wages to successfully support a family home, two people and a baby. (usually, but not always obviously.)
You can ignore everything I’ve said and do whatever the hell you want cause it’s your decision and yours only. Not Dan’s, not your parents, not his parents, not your friends. Yours. And you need to make it. Maybe me being so full on against this will make you realise that you do want to have a baby… Who knows. But I wish you all the best with whatever happens :) xxxxx